The Bum Gun

I have been wanting to write about Bum Guns for quite some time but it always seems to slip my mind. Recent travel in Australia however has meant that I have been thinking about it at least once a day.

You see, when I travel away from my home (but not to Thailand) there are a few things I miss. Sure I miss family and friends and those awesome wet season thunder storms but what I miss the most, more then anything else by far, is my Bum Gun.

What is a Bum Gun? Well it is basically a Bidet with an Asian twist.

What is a Bidet? Wikipedia tells me that it is a French word for pony and in old French it means to have the trots trot. Apparently in those days one would ride a bidet much like a pony is ridden. The bidet is also referred to as the “garden hose.” Basically it is a contraption to clean your bottom with a squirt of water.

So, call it a bidet if you like or even a toilet sprinkler but for myself and thousands of expats living in Thailand it is simply called the Bum Gun.

So why do I miss it when I am away from home? I simply cannot fathom the idea of using toilet paper to try and smear my bottom clean after doing my business. Sure I used to do it this way for many years before my first trip to Thailand but that quickly changed after my first life changing experience with the Bum Gun. I now feel unclean when travelling around non Asian countries and am force to go back to the toilet paper method.

I have left Bum Guns in houses that I have owned or rented around Australia and New Zealand as it is one of the first things I install when I move in to any new house. Thank fully my father had discovered the miracle of the Bum Gun and installed one himself in his house in New Zealand. It makes my visits so much more pleasant! My mother refused to use it so the other day I used the following analogy on her like I have with dozens of other non believers.

If you were out in the garden and a bird was to fly over head and drop a big number 2 on your arm what would you do? Would you turn to the nearest garden hose to squirt the offending dodo off your arm or would you go and find some tissue and smear it over and over until it appeared to be gone? It makes sense doesn’t it? Not only is it cleaner but think about the amount of toilet paper you would save. Better for the environment, better for your budget and better for your bottom!

A lot of people tell me that they are scared to use it because they are not sure exactly how it is done correctly. It really is very simple. After finishing your download just lean forward on the seat allowing enough room to sneak the nozzle into the bowl and point it towards the bodily part that needs cleaning. Press the trigger for a few seconds to clean any possible remaining cling-ons. This is the part that can put some people off as it does take a few attempts to get used to lining up the Bum Gun in the correct position. Be prepared for a little water spraying around the place the first time you try it. Once you feel all clean just pat yourself down with a tiny piece of toilet paper or a small towel.

It really is quite simple and something I recommend you all try at least a few times and perhaps even think about getting one installed in your house. Preferably before I come and visit.

This is the Bum Gun in my house in Australia, we have a few back ups in the cupboard just in case this one has a malfunction.

This is the Bum Gun in the new toilet that we built this year down stairs at our house in Thailand. You can read all about it here if you wish.

Sorry for the break in blogging during the last few weeks. As you can probably tell the family and I are back on the road so life was busy leading up to leaving home.
We flew from Kununurra to Darwin and had a 8 hour stop-over there. It was perfect really as it coincided with my brother and his family having a holiday there and it happened to be their daughter Bethany’s 10th birthday so we all had a blast catching up with them.
The 2am departure from Darwin went well and we landed in Adelaide at 6.30am. Jacob passed his first serious flight with flying colours.
We had a lovely 5 days in Adelaide even if a lot of it for me was involved with quite a few meetings. My Sister and her family made the 300km trip from their home to spend a day and a half with us which was great.
From there we flew to Auckland and drove the 3 hours to Tauranga where we are now staying at my parents house. The kids are having a blast and the weather has been just perfect. My folks are away for a few days at the moment so we are looking after all the animals including milking the cow twice a day! Shortly we will head off for a short road trip to Mount Ruapehu to try and find some snow for the girls as they have never seen any before.
In between enjoying the weather, milking cows and drinking too much coffee I also hope to blog a little more as well!

53 responses to “The Bum Gun

  1. I wondered what that thing was when I babysat at your house!!
    Too weird… but very funny blog post!

    You really like this milking sheep I mean cows thing!

    • Well next time you baby sit you HAVE to try it out!!
      I am leaving the sheep alone, the Kiwis are much better at that job then any Aussie – just milking the cow for me!

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  3. Who’s milking the cow?
    Paper is just fine for me.

    • Paper is ‘just’ fine? Sure, perhaps it is but the Bum Gun is so much more then ‘fine’!!
      I am milking the cow. Twice a day. Just about to go and do it now. Not looking forward to it this morning though as the weather is a little rough.

  4. Quite agree wouldn’t be without mine both in London and in Portugal also great if you have a little bit of constipation !

  5. I know where you can find snow right out the front door at certain times of the year.

    • We will make it to Canada sometime soon I promise! Actually I just called Mt Ruapehu and they said that the ski lifts aren’t working at the moment so looks like the kids are only going to see it and not play in it. 🙁

  6. I love the bum gun and don’t even use paper I just shake a little. And no need to lean forward as my rear end mustn’t be as large as yours.

    I hate when I have to use a toilet at Tesco as they don’t have bum guns but disgiusting tissue.

    Look forward to seeing skiing pics.

    • Brunty, I reckon every tree hugging greenie in the world should take up the call to arms. The weapon of choice? The Bum Gun of course! Think of all the toilet paper that would be saved. We need a politician to make a rash promise like Bob Hawke did in Australia back in 1990. Something along the lines of “By 2020 no Australian child or adult will have to degrade themselves by smearing poo around with a tissue. If re-elected I promise to install Bum Guns in every house hold and public toilet” A sure election winner, guarenteed. Cheaper then solar and house insulation rebates as well. I think I might send this suggestion to Julia Galah Gillard as she needs all the help she can get at the moment.

  7. Here here. I will help with your campaign slogan. I will be back later with teh winner.

    • A good campaign slogan is vital. I look forward to it. Somehow I don’t think Julia Gallah Gillard will like my idea so the best thing to do will be to form our own party. Brunty will you accept the position of secretary for the Australian Bun Gun anti dags and tissue party?

  8. I don’t agree in using paper so cannot sign anything but if we do a blood brother ceremony it is as good as. I do like our party name. Hope your registered it.

    The campaign slogan is being thought over carefully.

    We will have double headed, cousin breeding Tasmanains against us but who cares as most of them cannot read or write. We will concentrate on the educated of Australia. Redfern, Geelong, Southport (Gold Coast), those sort of classy areas.

    Cannot wait to campaign.

    • Good thinking 99. I like the places you mentioned. Very classy indeed. The educated folk of those fine areas are sure to support such a grand initiative. I was thinking of having the campagn launch in Perth. There is a suburb there called Innaloo which I think would be perfect.

  9. I can’t believe I’m saying this…but (no pun intended) I actually miss the bum gun. Stray and I were just discussing if it was possible to install one on the existing plumbing. And, judging by your photo, it is.

    We may wait a little while, I can see it being a great source of entertainment for the grandpumpkin.

  10. Hi Snap! ‘Welcome’ back to Australia. Hope you are settling in ok. Very easy to get a bum gun installed, just make sure you have a separate little valve so that you can adjust the pressure and turn it off between uses as the cheap bum guns cannot handle the water pressure found in most western countries.
    Don’t wait at all! Get it done now! Your budget, your environment and bottom will not wait! Perhaps you would like to be our first member of the Australian Bun Gun anti dags and tissue party?

  11. Glad to see that you didn’t go to the trouble of producing a demonstration video or how-to photo sequence.

  12. EEEEKKKK!!!! Now I am not so sure about you coming to stay 🙂

  13. I’ll try yours in KNX first 🙂

  14. Bum gun is the most clean and healthy method. We use water in Sri Lanka with soap. Quite healthy since papers would not give a perfect clean. Water removes everything alone with soap. This should be the equipment in future toilets.

  15. I totally agree with the usage of the bum gun. It is hard to go without it when you first move back to Australia and would like to install one myself. Please tell me if it as straight forward as you made it sound and the fittings are the same for Aussie toilets as they are in Thai?

    • Hi Chris,
      Yes it is as straight forward as I make out! The fittings all seem to be the same. Just make sure you have a T junction type pipe to screw into the pipe that feeds your toilet. Run the bum gun off that. That way you can control the pressure to the bum gun while not changing anything for the toilet. Believe me, you will want to control the pressure otherwise your you may walk funny for a week!

      • Don’t want to undertake colonic irrigation if you don’t have to.

      • Thanks for the advice Memock. Sooner or later on your travels in Thailand you will get a bit of a shock when the pressure is set too high on the ol’ bum gun. At least your left with that clean feeling unlike the ones where the pressure is dismal and you can barely get a trickle out of the hose!
        Speaking of quality I will try and source a decent one from one of the department stores, perhaps The Mall or Central may have one that will last a few years. No doubt the valve will need to be a decent quality to withstand the constant pressure, I wonder if I can source that from Bunnings? Anyway thanks again and now that I have found your blog through google I shall read on about your adventures in the Land of Smiles.
        Happy Travels!

        • Oh yes, totally agree – too much pressure is way better then not enough! I found that after trying many different types the best ones we ended up getting from dedicated hardware stores for around the 300 – 500 baht mark. If you can get to one of them that way you can also get the fittings that you need instead of paying 5 x as much for them back in Australia. (The thai valves seem fine). Enjoy flicking through the blog – quite a lot there and more to come soon.

  16. You got that right FB. Mind you perhaps I could add a twist to that diet known as the liver cleansing diet. I could call it the liver cleansing no diet in less then 10 seconds! Think of the money I could make!
    On a more (semi) serious note. I have just got back from Thailand and although I have a pressure valve on my Bum Gun here in Aus it did take a few goes at getting used to massive water pressure difference between the two countries.
    I should also mention to Chris who commented a few comments previously that you do need a T valve not only to regulate the pressure to look after your rear end but it is a necessity so that you can turn it off between squirts otherwise the constant pressure will quickly ruin the bum gun (especially if it was a 199 baht special from Big C!)

  17. What’s the fuss about bum gun? a 5-year old human can understand the concept.

    • No fuss from me Ahmad. Just because some people do not like to use it does not mean they do not understand the concept.

  18. I can’t believe that this post is still receiving comments nearly 5 months down the track…well, yes, actually I can! Ahmad, a 5 year old would have no trouble understanding the concept…but a 45 year old might 🙂

    I’m a bum gun convert!

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  21. This is all new information as an American. Suffering from a backside ailment due to an anal fissure, wiping has only made it worse and increased irritation. Since wiping with toilet paper or wipes has become too irritating, the choice became to clean in the shower with a water-pik showerhead. We American’s are very backwards with this subject and do not believe there are better methods than toilet paper. Washing the backside in the shower, the discovery was that the showerhead did a great job minus the added irritation caused by wiping. This experience caused the action of looking around the net and discovering the bum-gun, your website, and other familiar stories added to confidence in this cleaning method. Thank you for sharing your experiences. This is a product found on the internet and may interest you on installing a bum-gun in the US:
    http://www.minishower.net/

    Again, thanks for sharing and we American’s need to learn that there are better methods than wasting a ton of toilet paper to clean the bum. hehe 😉

  22. Great thread. I wouldn’t use anything but the amazing bum gun! Like other posts I find it disgusting using toilet paper now I know about The Bum Gun.

  23. stu – you are a man with good taste! Long live the Bum Gun!

  24. Where do you buy these in Australia?

    • Some hardware stores might stock something similar but I am not really sure. I always bring mine back from Thailand. Good online business opportunity for someone.

  25. Great thread. I use one when in thailand and prefer it to paper. I do miss the Bum Gun. “Did not know the name before was told that it was a red neck badet”. Looks almost like the nozel on the kitchen sink sprayer hose.

    • Hi Larry,
      Any reason why you don’t instal one in your house back in your home country? A red neck badet – haha that is a new one for me!

  26. Bum Gun, what a crack up. I do agree that paper is not the proper way to get clean and prefer baby wipes myself. My first experience with a similar cleaning mechanism was in a public toilet in Japan. It was the most amazing toilet I had ever been in with more buttons to push than the console of the starship enterprise. I loved this toilet so much I got pamplets sent to me so I could get one for my house.

  27. So did you ever get one installed? A new shopping centre in Bangkok called Terminal 21 has full automatic bidets set up in all their public toilets. Unfortunately the one time I visited I did not need ‘to go’.

  28. The bumgun is an awesome device. After travelling thru Thailand I came across it, and first tried it as there was no loo roll. The first few goes i splashed a bit, but it only takes a few tries to work out the direction needed. I did a google when i got home and came across http://www.thebumgun.com. Got one ordered, fitted, and love it!! Even during the winter it wasn’t too cold because of the high pressure i guess. I also love the idea that it’s another way to save on paper. Way cleaner!!

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